Anyhow, at the Garrick, Eliot:
“And what makes you so pleased with life?”
And Dr Bard, truthfully, “The wonderful horseradish sauce at our club.”
And Eliot, with a voice in which “charity and patience with the feeble in mind were wonderfully mixed,” “So that is what it is.” [Should we italicize that? Probably not.] But then, in a whisper, “And what do you eat it with?” And his friend, also in a whisper, “With smoked river trout.” And Eliot some weeks later was observed eating smoked trout, and with horseradish sauce. It is nearly a poem.
But Eliot was a great joker. After jugged hare at the Club (“Now there is jugged hare. That is a very English dish. Do you want to be English; or do you want to be safe?”); after the jugged hare and the evasions, he addressed his mind to the next theme. “Now; will you have a sweet; or … cheese?” Even one not conversant with his letter to the Times on the declining estate of Stilton [Nov. 29, 1935, p. 15] would have understood that the countersign was cheese. “Why, cheese,” said his guest; too lightly; one does not crash in upon the mysteries. There was a touch of reproof in his solicitude: “Are you sure? You can have ice cream, you know.” (At the Garrick!)
No, cheese. To which, “Very well. I fancy … a fine Stilton.” And as the waiter left for the Stilton, Eliot imparted the day’s most momentous confidence: “Never commit yourself to a cheese without having first … examined it.”
The Stilton stood encumbered with a swaddling band, girded about with a cincture, scooped out on top like a crater of the moon. It was placed in front of the Critic. (“Analysis and comparison,” he had written some 40 years earlier, “Analysis and comparison, methodically, with sensitiveness, intelligence, curiosity, intensity of passion and infinite knowledge: all these are necessary to the great critic.”) With the side of his knife blade he commenced tapping the circumference of the cheese, rotating it, his head cocked in a listening posture. It is not possible to swear that he was listening. He then tapped the inner walls of the crater. He then dug about with the point of his knife amid the fragments contained by the crater. He then said, “Rather past its prime. I am afraid I cannot recommend it.”
He was not always so. That was one of his Garrick personae. An acquaintance reports that at dinner in Eliot’s home “an ordinary Cheddar” was “served without ceremony.”
The Stilton vanished. After awing silence the cheese board arrived, an assortment of some half-dozen, a few of them identifiably cheeses only in context. One resembled sponge cake spattered with chocolate sauce. Another, a pockmarked toadstool-yellow, exuded green flecks. Analysis and comparison: he took up again his knife, and each of these candidates he tapped, he prodded, he sounded. At length he segregated a ruddy specimen. “That is a rather fine Red Cheshire … which you might enjoy.” It was accepted; the decision was not enquired into, nor the intonation of you assessed.
His attention was now bent on the toadstool-yellow specimen. This he tapped. This he prodded. This he poked. This he scraped. He then summoned the waiter.
“What is that?”
Apologetic ignorance of the waiter.
“Could we find out?”
Disappearance of the waiter. Two other waiters appear.
He assumed, at this silence, a mask of Holmesian exaltation:
“Aha! An Anonymous Cheese!”
He then took the Anonymous Cheese beneath his left hand, and the knife in his right hand, the thumb along the back of the blade as though to pare an apple. He then achieved with aplomb the impossible feat of peeling off a long slice. He ate this, attentively. He then transferred the Anonymous Cheese to the plate before him, and with no further memorable words proceeded without assistance to consume the entire Anonymous Cheese.
from Kenner, Pound Era. See also.